The Want For Internet Clout And Life Success Can Be Mentally And Physicaly Harmful

Since Highschool I have wanted to be successful. I started off by completely skipping my junior year of high school and graduating with my older sister, leaving my twin a year behind me. I then graduated nursing school as an LPN and bought my first house at 21 years old. I was considered a “breadwinner” between my siblings and myself but this wasn’t enough for me. I then started coming up with invention/product ideas and pitching them to companies and although I got to pitch my ideas with a few companies, I had no success of a licensing deal which caused a mental backfire. I moved on to writing a series of children’s books called “Be True To You” and successfully self-publishing three on Amazon. They aren’t a bestseller, not well known and only selling a few a month which isn’t the hopes I had for the series. I felt like a failure and that I wasted money on an illustrator and all those late nights of editing. This STILL wasn’t enough for me. I then started a Tiktok in hopes of becoming well known on that account. I did have one viral TikTok at 2.2 million views but none of my other videos aren’t attracting more than a couple of thousand views and I have less than 2,000 followers. Tiktok keeps me and my fiance on our phones more than we ever have. I have continuously picked up overtime at work so I can have extra money to remodel my house because the need for the “finer things in life” has overrun my brain. I have noticed I have spent less time with my kids and fiance and now I feel like a terrible parent but I keep telling myself that I only have one…